Change Can Lead To Letting Go

By Patricia Hubbard

What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?

"Make me one with everything." When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill.

The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"

The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."

That Yogi must have felt betrayed, cheated and angry to be taken advantage of because of who he was.

Just what does that mean to you, change must come from within? Your loved one has left and YOU must change from within??

After being left behind by someone we thought would be there forever and always, changing our hearts, changing who we are, is a difficult thing to consider, much less do. Whether they left because of personal choice or because of death, the emptiness is the same.

Being left behind is like being in the middle of the swirls of water going down a huge drain. The "circling" leaves one dizzy and disoriented, unsure. An array of emotions floods the psyche.... fear, anger, resentment and even bitterness occur.

Anger is there because it happened, wondering why it happened and anger at oneself for not seeing the warning signs. ·

Fear of what unknown is lurking around the corner. ·

Bitterness that "it happened to me!" ·

Resentment that this singleness necessitated change, changes in finances, housing, friends, job choices and plans for the future. Changes not asked for.

Some results of Change

Change can be good.

Change is not always welcomed.

Change brings about new and perhaps untried experiences.

Change infers letting go.

Change can be good. But, why is letting go so hard?

Letting go means giving up power, especially hard for an independent person. When we are accustomed to being in control of part of the "reins" we feel a little more confident, in charge, but when that power is gone, our self-confidence seems to slide away.

When the reins have been taken away from us, our next step is to learn to accept, and then trust.

Trust is a monumental task at times. It requires us to humble ourselves and admit someone else is in charge. Expecting someone to trust, who has been recently betrayed is expecting a great deal. We could liken it to a person who has picked up a hot frying pan and burned his hand. Chances are that he or she will use a "potholder" next time. A person who has been "burned" will have difficulty trusting even his/her own self, much less someone else. That "potholder" could translate to holding people at a distance, shielding one's heart from further pain .

How long this condition goes on, is up to the damaged person. He or she may choose to stew in their own juices for a period of time until they recognize that is a non-productive way of life. Holding on to bitterness, resentment, anger and fear does create a sort of juice in the body that can become toxic and turn on the body, in a form of illness. The choice to change that situation is strictly personal. Change succeeds only when it is accepted and looked forward to, as a new beginning.

So, how do we get past that "getting burned" to trusting again?

Learn all you can about trust.

Trust yourself to use good judgment.

Know in whom you are placing your trust.

Are they trustworthy?

How do you know?

What do you know about them?

Why should you trust them?

What do you have to lose if you place your trust in this person?

Are you fooling yourself? Trust, wrongly placed, is just as destructive as pulling into your shell for a long period of time. Trust, like a seed, must grow at its own pace; the flower will not appear until the seed is fully matured. Taking time to get to really know the people in your life serves not only you, but takes the focus off of you and places it onto other people. Taking time to know others helps you to know you.

Pay attention to how much they pay attention to you.

Do you feel valued?

Are they interested in what and who you are?

Or are they still in the 15-year-old stage; does the world even extend past their own fingertips?

Is it all about them? The closer you "pay attention," the better you will be at knowing who to trust and who not to trust.

You may even find that the changes in your life have become a good thing.
For more tips and tools on how to survive divorce and loss and make healthy relationship choices you are invited to visit http://www.butterflyintonewlife.com

Patricia Hubbard has Facilitated a Support Group for Separated, Divorced and Widowed people for the past 12 years.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Patricia_Hubbard