Are You In A Healthy Relationship

By Jeana Caldwell

First if you are in an abusive relationship it is unacceptable and you should seek help.

Simple Questions you can ask yourself:

Are you happy?

Are you allowed to be yourself?

Are you having fun?

Are you treated the way you feel you should be treated, and with that being said are you treating your partner with the same respect?

Just understand that I believe not all healthy relationship ends in marriage. Some are just the next step to another wonderful relationship. The reasons I am saying this is that not all divorces were the result of a relationship failure. I think each relationship is a way to teach you more about yourself. If you can learn something about why things went wrong and how you can carry that knowledge on with you to the next. When I started dating I meet a man I would have married in a heartbeat because one I thought he was the one I wanted, and two I thought I was madly in love with him. Hind-sight is always 20/20 and as I have grown and dated more I have learned that although it wasn't the best relationship it wasn't the worst.

And as a result I have come to learn things about myself. Such as what I want, what I can bring to a relationship, and that I am okay with being alone. I have learned how to appreciate and accept who I am and what I am about. I believe to be in a healthy relationship you must learn to love yourself first and foremost. You need to have high standards and high self-esteem. As the saying goes don't settle for just any Tom Dick or Harry, there is other fish in the sea. And I can't begin to tell how true that statement is. I have dated a variety of different men I have seen abuse first hand, and I have told myself but no-one else would want me. Wrong... wrong...

There is someone out there for everyone but I believe there is more then one someone for all of us. If you happened to be one of the few that dated in school and married and are still completely happy good for you, but that is not to say that tomorrow all of that isn't gone. Life is a wonderful but it can also be very cruel. I too was married once and it was wonderful everything was great. I told myself I would never love another he was the one meant for me. One day my world came crashing down he never came home. I found out he was in a terrible car accident and was care-flighted to a hospital where he was in a coma. I went to the hospital and watched the horrific seen though what seemed to be someone else's eyes.

I was numb and in denial I could not believe this could happen to me, it just could not. I mean I understood it happens but you just never expect it to happen to you. While I was there for a month I seen people come and go. One guy had tried to commit suicide by shooting himself in the head twice. He lived and went on for therapy I felt angry why did he get to go on while my lover still clung to death? A month went by and I was told they were sending him to a nursing home. I made the arrangements we moved him but nothing really changed. He could breath on his own but if you looked in his eyes he wasn't there anymore.

After a year of waiting I was advised to move on. How could I didn't I love him enough to be able to endure this for both of us? I had to get a divorce in order to be able to own my own home, because he was put on Medicare. Medicare is wonderful but it was intended for people who are older with fixed income. Not twenty year old newly weds and one who had a life yet to live. Three years passed and I meet someone new. Someone I had known all my life and he inspired me to try again. So I moved on, I still feel the loss and some regret, but I am grateful for the time I did have. I learned an important lesson never take your time here on earth for granted live life everyday to the fullest.

Remember the three L's live laugh, and love. So like I said not every divorce is a failure learn something and take it with you to the next relationship. And remember that the first thing to a successful happy healthy relationship begins with you.

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